


the 1

by lulu_and_eli



Series: folklore [1]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, M/M, a wedding, im: sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26464549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulu_and_eli/pseuds/lulu_and_eli
Summary: For Lucas, there has never been anyone else. For Eliott, however, that isn’t the same.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Series: folklore [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923874
Comments: 23
Kudos: 91





	the 1

**Author's Note:**

> this goes out to people who like angst :D I know y'all exist  
> im not sure how many fics I'll write for this series but this is the first song on the album so it kinda had to start sad. je suis désolée  
> title is the 1 by Taylor Swift

It had always been a regular subject of discussion when they were kids. Eliott’s wedding.

Eliott’s always been the more romantic one of the two boys, enthusiastically describing classical music as they walk down the aisle, bunches of colorful flowers strewn everywhere, and tearful speeches at the reception.

Lucas would sit and listen in awe as Eliott explained his dream wedding, his eyes shining with excitement imagining his future wife— or, as Eliott would later add, husband— taking his hand for their first dance. 

“I just can’t wait to find my _one_ , you know?” Eliott had said one day when they were still in high school, lying on their backs on the floor in Lucas’ old bedroom, staring at the ceiling while The Talking Heads played quietly from Lucas’ cracked phone. 

“Yeah,” Lucas had responded absentmindedly, running his fingers lightly over the fabric of his shirt. It was a lie; Lucas felt that there was no one else for him but Eliott. He’d already found his _one_ , as Eliott was always calling it. Lucas knew there was no turning back once Eliott had come to Lucas’ house at four in the morning after Lucas’ father had slammed the door and left forever, taking him back to his place on the back of his bike, letting Lucas hold onto his waist as tightly as he wanted. 

And there was a tiny part of Lucas’ heart that always thought, _maybe one day, it’ll be me, for Eliott. Maybe one day he’ll marry me._

For Lucas, there has never been anyone else. For Eliott, however, that isn’t the same. 

///

Lucas stands in a stiff tux, resisting the urge to pull at the tight collar, hands folded awkwardly, his eyes glued to the back of Eliott’s neck. He never realized how intimidating it is just to get married, and he’s not even the one doing it today; he can feel the stares of a hundred people looking up at the altar. If he’s feeling nervous, he can’t even imagine how Eliott must feel.

No. Eliott isn’t nervous. He’s elated. He’s getting _married_ today, to the girl who didn’t even know Eliott made art until a year into their relationship.

But that’s just Lucas’ observation, not something he would ever bring up to Eliott.

That’s not the job of the best man. The job of the best man is to make sure the groom’s tie is straight, to fix any stray hairs, to calm the nerves. Lucas figures it isn’t his job to tell Eliott that he’s choosing the wrong person to spend the rest of his life with.

Lucas swallows the massive lump in his throat, his hearing going fuzzy just as it gets to, _Eliott Demaury, do you take Lucille…_

Lucas feels like he’s going to throw up as he hears Eliott say _I do._

He never imagined it would hurt this much, watching Eliott marry someone else. He knew it would be agonizing, but every piece of him feels like it’s breaking apart, stretching and pulling until it snaps and leaves Lucas with less and less. Eliott and Lucille turn towards the crowd as the applause carries on, and when Eliott turns to Lucas, shooting him a smile, Lucas can only clap with everyone else, giving Eliott a close-mouthed smile through the tears that have collected in his eyes.

He watches Eliott walk away, his wife’s hand in his, people giving them high-fives as they exit the building. And Lucas’ heart shatters for the thousandth time since Eliott told him he was going to propose, shatters with the feeling of, _that should be me. What if it were me?_

///

There had been one night, some new year’s eve in college, when Lucas thought, _maybe._

It’s silly. Everyone kisses everyone when the clock strikes midnight. Lucas isn’t an exception.

Except, everybody at the party chants _three, two, one!_ and Eliott, with glitter covering his face and arms, turns immediately to Lucas and, before Lucas can do anything, grips his shoulders and presses a hard, quick kiss to Lucas’ lips. 

It’s so fast that Lucas barely registers it. Eliott’s face is right there, his warmth encompassing Lucas completely, and then he’s gone away, laughing and jokingly kissing Idriss on the nose.

_He’s just drunk_ , Lucas thinks to himself, to try and justify it. But really, Eliott isn’t drunk. Maybe tipsy, but not enough to go around kissing people. Or even just one person. 

Lucas holds onto that kiss, even though Eliott never brings it up. He stares at Eliott’s lips when he talks, remembering the feel of them against his own, how they’d tasted like cherries and spiked seltzer. 

And that’s all Lucas has. Just the one memory of what it had been like to feel Eliott’s lips against his own. 

Sometimes he wishes Eliott hadn’t done it.

///

Lucas taps his glass with his fork, the room falling silent in seconds.

Clearing his throat, he turns to Eliott and Lucille, willing his voice to remain steady as he speaks.

“As the best man and best friend of Eliott for over fifteen years, I know everyone is probably expecting my speech to be filled with embarrassing childhood stories.” He pauses as the crowd laughs, Eliott included, his eyes crinkling around the edges, looking up at Lucas.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I think for now I’ll just take this opportunity to commemorate Lucille on marrying the worst cook on earth. Really, Lucille, you took one for the team.”

Everyone continues to laugh, clapping and cheering. Eliott’s kitchen skills are well-known by everybody in his life, at this point.

“Okay, okay.” Lucas places his fork back on the table with a shaky hand, the picture of his fork next to Eliott’s making him strangely emotional. “I’ll keep it short. I’ve known Eliott for a long time, and I can honestly say that I don’t know anyone else who’s fantasized about their wedding more than him.”

Lucas can feel his voice starting to tremble, and the champagne in his hand is starting to look extra appealing right now. He absolutely will _not_ cry. If he starts to cry, he’ll never stop. He knows from experience.

He forces a smile as he turns towards Eliott again. “Eliott, you are the best friend I’ve ever had, and the best person I know. No one deserves happiness more than you.”

Eliott smiles, so widely, and he mouths _thank you_ to Lucas, reaching his hand up and squeezing Lucas’ wrist. 

Lucas continues, rattling off some words about love which he doesn’t really believe, the insincerity of his words making it a little bit easier to breathe. He raises his glass, clinking it with Lucille’s, and then Eliott’s, not missing it when Eliott winks at him. Lucas downs the whole glass in one go.

The music turns back on and the room returns to its high volume of chatter, and before Lucas can sit back down Eliott is standing up, pulling Lucas into a tight hug. 

_Traitor_ , Lucas thinks as he lightly wraps his arms around Eliott, attempting desperately to ignore the immediate comfort that Eliott’s scent instills in him. It’s not fair. Eliott didn’t do anything wrong. But yet, it feels like Eliott is betraying him in the worst way possible. _You fucking traitor._

///

“I think I like both guys and girls,” Eliott says, so relaxed, as if it’s not a statement that’s completely turning Lucas’ world upside down in mere seconds. “I mean, I think I could like anyone, regardless of gender.”

They’d come back to Eliott’s place after school, and Lucas had flopped right on the couch, on his stomach, drained after having three big tests that day. Eliott sits right in his line of vision, on the floor, leaning up against the coffee table.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eliott nods, “I’ve had the thought for awhile now, I just wanted to tell you.”

Lucas smiles, feeling it where the one side of his face is smushed into the couch cushion.

“Thanks for telling me.”

Eliott grins, looking down and playing with a loose thread at the hem of his shirt.

“I think I only like guys,” Lucas says, almost in a whisper, so afraid that Eliott will hear him at the same time that he also wants to shake Eliott by the shoulders and scream _I am so in love with you!_

Eliott smiles softly, leaning forward to pick a strand of hair away from where it’s fallen in Lucas’ face.

“That’s cool.”

“That’s cool?”

“Like a cucumber.”

Lucas giggles, shoving Eliott’s face away harshly with the palm of his hand. Eliott laughs, his beautiful, bright laugh, and he goes on to tell Lucas about the painting he’d started today in his art class.

Lucas tries to listen, he really does, but the only thought running through his mind is, _I have a chance, I have a chance, I have a chance._

///

Lucas stands just outside of the reception hall, his hands shoved in his pockets, feeling the chill of the autumn night air. He’d left the hall right after his speech, telling Eliott, when he asked, that he was going to the bathroom.

This would make for a spectacular moment, if Lucas were Eliott’s, for Eliott to find him outside, sneak up behind him and wrap his arms around his chest, and whisper, _hey, it’s boring in there without you. You owe me an extra handful of cake stuffed in your face._ And they’d walk back inside, Lucas nestled safely in the crook of Eliott’s arm, and everyone would smile at the sight of them. And Lucas would be happy.

“What are you doing out here?”

Eliott. He’s standing in the large doorway, and at this point he’s abandoned his jacket, and his tie and collar are loosened around his neck. 

“Just needed some air,” Lucas responds flatly, keeping his gaze firm on the stars, knowing that if he looks at Eliott for too long he’ll fall apart.

“Mind if I stay?” Eliott doesn’t wait for an answer, and Lucas doesn’t give one. Lucas sees Eliott out of the corner of his eye walking over to stand next to him, pulling a cigarette out from his pocket. Lucas scoffs lightly.

“I thought you stopped smoking.”

“I did,” Eliott says jokingly, wiggling his eyebrows at Lucas. Lucas understands the meaning. _Don’t tell Lucille_ , is what Eliott’s saying.

“Right.” Lucas really isn’t in the mood to joke around right now, especially not joke about a lie that Eliott’s already keeping from Lucille. A lie he feels perfectly comfortable telling Lucas about.

Eliott tucks the cigarette back into his pocket and nudges Lucas’ shoulder lightly with his. “Hey. You okay?”

Lucas takes a shallow breath in and out. “I’m fine,” he replies, but the tone in his voice gives him away.

“Lucas, it’s _my_ wedding day. I’m the only one who’s allowed to be acting weird.” Eliott says it in such a light tone; he’s trying to lighten the mood, but he’s not understanding that Lucas just _can’t_. 

“I know that, Eliott,” Lucas says quietly, pressing away from the wall and taking a few steps forward, away from Eliott. “I know it’s your wedding day, I’ve had this date burned into my mind since you guys set it.”

There’s silence for a moment, where Eliott doesn’t respond, and Lucas thinks maybe he’s just gone back inside, not wanting to deal with Lucas and his stupid feelings.

But then he suddenly feels Eliott’s hand wrapping around his arm, turning Lucas around to face him. And now his face is serious, worried, eyes wide and searching.

“Lucas. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Lucas gently pulls his arm from Eliott’s grip, crossing his arms protectively over his chest, looking down at his feet. “You should go back inside, Eliott. Enjoy your day.”

“I’m not enjoying anything if you’re upset.”

God. Eliott’s always had a way with words, but it’s clear that the timing thing is something he should work on. Lucas laughs bitterly, looking off to the side for a second before meeting Eliott’s gaze.

“I can’t, Eliott. I can’t talk to you. Not about this.” Lucas makes an attempt to step around Eliott and back into the reception hall, but Eliott gets in front of him, blocking his path.

“Lucas, please. You can tell me anything, I promise.” 

Lucas closes his eyes, taking a shuddery breath. He tries to think about what Yann has told him before. _Just tell him. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, at least you can start to get over him. You’re in so much pain, Lucas, and you don’t deserve that._ Lucas knows nothing will help, though. It won’t make a difference if he tells Eliott or not; he’ll always be completely in love with him. And that’s why he finally says fuck it and opens his mouth.

“We’ve been friends for a long time, Eliott,” is what Lucas decides to start with, easing his way into the conversation which will probably be the most difficult of his life.

Eliott blinks, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, we have.” He seems confused as to where Lucas is going, and Lucas feels guilty. Eliott has no idea that Lucas is about to ruin the day because he’s too selfish to keep quiet.

“All of those years, when we were kids, when we were in high school, college…did you, did you never have— did you never like me?”

Eliott furrows his brow. “Like you? What do you—“

Eliott’s face goes completely blank for a split second before it falls, a look of realization covering his face. Lucas holds his breath as Eliott’s face transforms quickly from shock to sadness to pity like slides in a motion picture.

The music inside swells, and Lucas hears Lucille cheer as the song switches. A particularly sharp chill runs through the air, but neither of them move to keep warm.

“Lucas, I…I don’t know what to say.” Eliott almost whispers it.

Lucas bites his lip to keep tears from spilling over his cheeks, shaking his head rapidly as he forces himself to keep looking at Eliott. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry.”

“Why should you be sorry?”

Lucas huffs out a breath. “Because I ruined your wedding day. The day you’ve been dreaming about since we were kids. The day I,” his voice breaks. “The day I thought we would— would do together.” He barely speaks the last part, but Eliott hears it, and his mouth drops open slightly. He looks so incredibly sad, and it’s Lucas’ fault.

“Lucas,” Eliott whispers, “I had no idea. I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t—“

“No, Lucas. I didn’t _know_. I didn’t think you felt that way about me. Felt the same.”

Lucas’ mouth goes dry, and he almost chokes out a laugh at the situation. Eliott takes a step towards him, and Lucas backs away, keeping the distance between them, holding a hand up.

“You— you can’t, Eliott, you can’t say that. You’re with someone else. You _married_ someone else. That’s how it is.”

Eliott lets out a shaky breath, and Lucas can see he’s also trying to hold back tears. He goes to lean back on the wall, his shoulders caving forward. “Fuck, Lucas.”

Lucas doesn’t say anything, just stands there silently, while the first tears begin to streak down his face. Eliott’s lips are pink; Lucas wants to kiss him. He wants to pull Eliott to him and say, _see? You love me. You fucking love me. Let’s leave, let’s invent new names for ourselves, let’s move to the other side of the world and forget everything here._ But he can’t.

“I didn’t think you liked me like that, Lucas. I never thought you would. That’s why I never said anything.”

“Never said anything?”

“I liked you, too, Lucas. Of course I did. I…I _do_.”

If Eliott were saying these words to Lucas on a different day, in a different universe where Eliott hadn’t married Lucille, Lucas would want nothing more than to leap into Eliott’s arms and kiss him. But now, in this universe, Lucas just feels sick to his stomach.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” Lucas mutters, shaking his head, “you got _married_ to someone else while you have feelings for me? What the hell, Eliott?”

“You can’t get angry with me,” Eliott retorts, his voice thick with defense. “I never would have said anything if you hadn’t brought it up first.”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

“No, but it’s— fuck, Lucas, if I had known, I wouldn’t have—“

“You wouldn’t have what? Married her?”

“Eliott!”

Lucas turns, and so does Eliott, towards the source of the new voice. It’s Lucille. She’s sticking her head out of the door, looking between the two of them. She clearly senses the tension in the air, tears drying on both of their cheeks, jaws clenched, hands in fists. She ignores it.

“Eliott, honey, you ready to cut the cake?”

Eliott hesitates, looking back at Lucas momentarily. But Lucas doesn’t let him see his eyes. He quickly looks down at the ground, rubbing his hand up and down his arm.

“Yeah,” he hears Eliott say, “I’m ready.”

When Lucas glances up a few seconds later, Eliott is gone.

///

Lucas stays outside for a little while longer. He moves to sit up against the wall, with his knees pulled up to his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut when he hears a burst of laughter from Lucille and cheers from the crowd; they’ve likely just cut the cake, and Lucille is probably kissing the streaks of icing off Eliott’s cheeks. 

The cool air dries the tears on Lucas’ face, leaving slightly damp trails in their wake.

He doesn’t want to stay any longer, but the only way to get out is through the reception hall, which means having to walk in and probably see Eliott again. And if he’s being honest, Lucas is torn between never wanting to see Eliott again and wanting to hold onto every single glimpse he can get of him.

So, with one last deep breath, standing and buttoning his jacket, Lucas steps back inside, surrounded again by the vibrant music and groups of people on the dance floor. From a quick initial scan, he doesn’t see Eliott, so he proceeds. Lucas weaves his way through everybody dancing, keeping his eyes on the exit door across the room. He holds his breath the whole way, praying he won’t bump into Eliott.

Lucas finally reaches the edge of the dance floor, and he’s got a clear view of the exit; just a few more steps, and he’s free. Free from the invisible grip Eliott’s had on him all these years, free from the endless thinking and speculating over whether or not Eliott felt the same way for Lucas as Lucas did for him. Now, Lucas has his answer. And as much as it stings, Lucas takes some comfort in the fact that things have finally settled. Eliott’s with someone else. Committed. There’s no possibility that he and Lucas could ever happen, regardless of what Eliott feels for him, so why should Lucas be lamenting something was never real?

This is what Lucas tells himself as he approaches the door, resting one hand on the knob. He bites his lip, grasping the doorknob until his knuckles turn white. _Don’t make this harder than it already is,_ he thinks, _it would be easier for everybody here if you left. Just go._

But something, something dark and deep inside Lucas, is screaming at him to turn around, and find Eliott again. So, he does.

Lucas slowly turns around, looking towards the large main table where he’d been sitting earlier, and there’s Eliott. And Eliott is already looking at him; Lucas’ breath stutters at the sight of Eliott looking at him so intensely as they lock eyes. It feels like a gaze that speaks a hundred words. _I’m sorry. Will we ever be the same? Can you forgive me? I don’t want to lose you. I love you._

Then, the strained edges around Eliott’s eyes soften, and the corners of his mouth turn up slightly, until there’s a small, gentle smile on his face. It’s as if the whole room goes silent for the few seconds they’re looking at each other, or it could be five whole minutes, or an hour, Lucas doesn’t know. 

It takes everything in Lucas not to run to Eliott and hold him close, ignoring all of the complications that would bring. He digs his nails into his palms and stays in place.

Maybe if something, just one thing, had been different, it would have been Lucas on Eliott’s arm tonight.

Maybe in another parallel universe, Lucas is Eliott’s _one_.

And for Lucas, right now, that’s enough.

He turns, and goes.

**Author's Note:**

> ........sorry?  
> I promise there will be other happy fics in this series okay!!!! don't attack me pls  
> comments and kudos are always very appreciated☺️  
> Tumblr: [eliotts-eyes](https://eliotts-eyes.tumblr.com/)


End file.
